Good morning from overcast, chilly Southern California! I’m back in the OC and in the middle of mini-ivf cycle #2. It’s not your normal, always sunny and warm, Southern California weather. It’s gray, overcast and chilly with a forecast for rain tomorrow. Feels like home. I have to work hard to keep this weather from affecting my mood so I scheduled a yoga session at noon to get me out of my hotel room and doing something good for my mind, body and soul! I had CD8 monitoring yesterday and it turns out I have a few eggs, along with a cyst or two and I’m taking low dose clomid with more monitoring scheduled for Tuesday. Patience, strength and courage are needed for this journey. It’s been a rather lonely one for me the last few days. No one can do it for me. Good news is DH is making a scheduled trip out here end of week, which will be nice.
I spent some time online reviewing stats for 45 year olds attempting to use their own eggs. Why do I do that? Low, oh so low results – sigh. I suppose I do it in hopes that I’ll find something that give me more hope than I already have….something that says “YES, IT’S POSSIBLE – KEEP GOING – YOU CAN DO IT – THE FINISH LINE IS IN REACH!”. And yet I know I have to stay in reality regarding the potential outcome of my desires and the choices I’m making. There is a huge cliff jump in egg quality from age 42-44 to 45. The cellular life force is just not quite there as it was in our 30s and 20s. I recently read about and have added PQQ – Pyrroloquinoline Quinone – to my mix of supplements. It’s the one supplement that has been proven to trigger mitochondria biogenesis. Even as I write this I think, “Stay in reality, good for adding something to the mix that could be great for your health, but remember there is no magic baby-making pill.” God designed procreation to come to an end just as our yearly seasons end and fade into another. I’m nearing the end of that season. But I’m not there YET! Miracles do happen for some, a few, women 45 and over. So – why can’t I be one of them? I paid for 6 mini-ivfs with the Happy Fertility clinic in Southern California. I’m committed to staying on track and seeing where this leads. For now, it’s time to do the next right thing. A hot shower, breakfast, and yoga along with a trail hike are in store for today. Days like today feel like I’m teetering on the edge of a downward spiral into self pity, fear, and isolation. Thankfully, I know I have choices and I can choose not to go there. I think the sun is starting to peak through the clouds!
Our hunt for one good egg at 45 