A couple of years ago, I was lucky enough to have a very wise friend suggest that I make a conscious decision to change my thoughts and choose to “live in ALL possibility”. At the time it seemed she was asking me to live in make believe, full of fairies and unicorns. What she was gently suggesting was that I needed to overturn those negative thoughts running through my head where I thought that having a child over 40 was impossible. So I experimented, giving the belief a test drive, and like magic, I began to meet women 42-45 who were or had been pregnant naturally or with the help of A.R.T. My sister was one of those amazing women, whom all doctors in Atlanta told it could never happen and they were reluctant to work with her. She was over 42, PCOS, blocked tube, low AMH, high FSH, low AFC, overweight and a cancer survivor having been through hell and back due to her breast cancer mastectomy reconstruction and the infections lasting over a year. And then one day it happened…baby number one via IUI when her doctor said “it would never work”, and then baby number two naturally, all in spite of the odds. Lucky for her she never lost her ability to dwell in possibility. Even I was skeptical it would ever happen for her. I sat in judgement of her continued desire and I believed that she was chasing fairies and unicorns. How arrogant of me to think I knew what God had in store for her. In the end I thank God she never took on my beliefs.
Today I continue to monitor my thoughts to ensure I’m not falling back into the old patterns of negative, impossible thinking. I know that as long as I don’t attach myself emotionally to the process, or even to the outcome around my longing to bring a child into this world, and as long as I remain in reality trusting God’s will for me, I will have peace. The great news is this attitude works with all aspects of life, not just the desire for a child. And the amazing gift this perspective brings is peace and harmony in my life, while facing the unknown. Isn’t that what we all want as we walk this fertility journey together, peace and harmony? Regardless of the odds placed on me by Western medicine, I choose to remain a possibilitarian.
Our hunt for one good egg at 45 